#353 as soon as Ti○po

National Museum of Nature and Science Special Exhibition "Sexuality of Living Things" Audio Guide Experience

The episode opens with Laland (ラランド) reflecting on their role as audio guide ambassadors for the National Museum of Nature and Science's (国立科学博物館) special exhibition, "Sexuality of Living Things" (生き物たちの性). The exhibition surveys a wide range of biological reproductive strategies: how male and female distinctions arise in the first place, creatures whose bodies contain a mix of both sexes, and animals that change sex entirely—clownfish being the textbook example. Despite the poster prominently featuring lions mating, both members stress that the content is entirely educational and not remotely salacious. When they spoke with the supervising researcher, the researcher expressed a strong wish for families with children to attend.

On the audio guide recording, the script had plenty of comedic setups built in, but Laland deliberately reined themselves in, mindful that listeners would include museum regulars—particularly older ladies—who might have no idea who they are. They draw a comparison to an audio guide they once heard at an overseas museum, recorded by a local staff member who clearly wasn't fluent in Japanese, whose strangely clipped intonation on phrases like "Next up is…" left them baffled. Their own version, they insist, came out properly polished and easy to follow.

Sperm Whale Ejaculate Volume: "A Full Bucket"

The undisputed highlight of the exhibition, for these two at least, is the segment on sperm whale (マッコウクジラ) reproduction. A sperm whale's ejaculate volume is equivalent to a full human-scale bucket, deployed as a strategy to physically flush out the sperm of previous males in the water and ensure its own genes survive. The two can barely contain themselves: "It's like something out of hentai manga," "that's shower-level volume," and "you'd need a Kärcher pressure washer to produce that much—one opening would never be enough." Looking back on the audio guide recording, Nishida (西田) laments that he could have quipped something like: "Apparently it's about one human bucket's worth—personally, I'm more of a tablespoon guy, soy sauce or something"—and wishes he'd gone for it.

The Plan to Turn Maeda-kun's Baby into a Soccer Fan

On the recording day in Odaiba, Maeda-kun (前田くん) from Manetaku (マネタク) brought his baby to the set. The child had grown noticeably more responsive since they last met—laughing more easily and staring intently whenever a picture book was read aloud, which both found endearing. Nishida's mind, however, is fixed firmly on converting the baby into a soccer fan at the earliest opportunity. He has already looked up JFA baby-size uniforms, proposes installing a soccer goal in the room, and suggests replacing the carpet with one that looks like a pitch. He caps the segment with the declaration that if the kid ever joins the baseball club, he will remove himself from the family register.

The Dark Toilet Incident and Japan's Sensor Culture

At a house studio recording session, Nishida heads to the men's room, which is fitted with a urinal. Operating on the assumption that "basically all toilets these days turn the lights on automatically," he walks straight to the urinal in complete darkness, unzips, and gets going. The light is actually switch-operated—there is no sensor—so he has no choice but to carry on in the dark. A staff member then enters. With the sound of trickling clearly audible yet the staff member apparently oblivious, Nishida freezes, holds his breath, and finishes as quietly as possible—what he dubs "ninja peeing" (忍びのしっこ). The moment he finishes and shifts position, the staff member lets out a startled yelp.

The incident opens into a wide-ranging conversation about Japan's toilet automation culture and the specific ways it misfires. Because Nishida is tall and broad, his arm repeatedly brushes the auto-flush sensor while still seated, causing the toilet to run nonstop through his entire visit. At TBS the rear-mounted sensor consistently fails to detect him, meaning he regularly exits without having properly flushed—a recurring embarrassment. Older, low-pressure lever toilets that require several attempts to clear everything also make an appearance.

Turning to the international picture, both agree that the Korean and European custom of depositing used paper in a waste bin rather than flushing it—leaving a towering pile from previous visitors—was genuinely difficult to deal with. France earns a special mention for its bidet: a separate low basin beside the toilet for washing. "President Macron definitely uses one of those to wash his backside—it's a venerable tradition," they joke. The contrast only deepens their appreciation for Japan's washlet and auto-flush technology, which they conclude is operating on an entirely different level from anywhere else in the world.