私より先に丁寧に暮らすなcurrently outside the Japan top 100
#233 40代って第二の思春期らしいけど
A letter from Ajiori (味のり), 41, the number-two executive at a 50-person company, opens episode 233: after 17 years at the firm since its founding, she wants to move on to new work but cannot bring herself to leave her beloved employees behind. Hosts Uesaka (上坂) and Ukai (うかい) work through her dilemma and end up excavating their own inner lives in the process.
What this episode answers
How is Ajiori-san's struggle different from a typical midlife crisis?
Ajiori-san's block is not a lack of energy — her desire to try new work is crystal clear — but guilt over 'abandoning' employees she deeply cares about; the hosts call it a 'full-energy crisis.'
What exactly is a midlife crisis, and why does podcasting become popular with that generation?
A standard midlife crisis hits when the children are grown, work has settled into a comfortable role, and new challenges have dried up, producing a sense of powerlessness; podcasting fits because it looks new and functions as mental-health care through conversation with friends, Uesaka says.
Is there anything Uesaka-san or Ukai-san feels unable to 'cut into' in themselves?
Uesaka immediately said she has nothing she wants to 'cut into,' while Ukai said he wants to open his temple to many more people but holds back because the motivation feels like mere personal selfishness rather than a proper cause.
How does the sense of 'best' versus 'better' shift in one's thirties and forties?
In youth, people pursue the best in everything, but from the late twenties into the thirties they come to accept that nothing is perfect and shift into a world of accumulating 'betters' — and as long as something is better, there is no need to let it go, says Ukai.
How did recognizing herself as a perfectionist change the way Uesaka-san thinks about her relationship with podcasting?
Uesaka, a fine-arts design graduate, confessed she lost all motivation the moment she realized she could not become an elite designer; Ukai's analysis — 'perfectionism makes it hard to embrace romance because you can't ignore the outcome' — resonated deeply, and she recognized that podcasting and tanka poetry were rare romantic choices she made by deciding 'I want to do it even if I'm bad at it.'
Ajiori's Letter: The Wavering of an Executive Who Has Sprinted for 17 Years
Ajiori (味のり), 41, is the number-two executive at a 50-person company and has been there from its founding days — 17 years in all. She gave birth young, and with her child about to turn 20, her personal time has expanded. In that new space, questions have risen to the surface: Why am I doing this job? Will I keep doing it? At the same time, she fears that any visible wavering on her part could unsettle the organization, so she cannot bring herself to lift what she calls "a lid that must not be opened." Her true feeling, she suspects, is that she wants to leave for new work — but she loves her employees dearly and finds that almost impossible to admit.
The Midlife Crisis and Why Podcasting Thrives in That Generation
Uesaka recounted a recording she made with Titan (タイタン) on Dan-chi (ダンチ), a show within the community Kikikaikai (キキカイカイ), around her 35th birthday, which took midlife crisis as its theme. A standard midlife crisis, she explained, arrives when the children are grown, work has settled into a reasonably stable role, and new challenges have vanished — leaving a creeping sense of powerlessness. The typical symptoms are: "I want to try something new, but I'm afraid," or "I don't have the energy to start from scratch at this point." As for why podcasting catches on with this demographic, Uesaka's insight is that it looks new, and the format — an actual show — provides a structure for self-disclosure in which people feel received and heard, making it a form of mental-health care.
Ajiori's Case: A "Full-Energy Crisis"
The hosts' read is that Ajiori's situation is not a typical midlife crisis. Her energy is more than sufficient and her desire is explicit: she wants new work. The single sticking point is her attachment to, and guilt toward, her current employees. Uesaka analyzed it this way: "If she had no gratitude toward her staff, she would have quit in seconds." She compared the situation to the difficulty of ending a long-term relationship — accumulated history and affection make it hard to leave, even as the question of whether to stay refuses to go away.
From Best to Better: How Values Shift in the Thirties
Ukai observed that in youth people pursue the best in everything, but from the late twenties into the thirties they come to understand that nothing is perfect. In love, work, and self, the world turns out to be stubbornly imperfect. From there, life becomes about accumulating "betters" — and as long as something qualifies as better, there is no reason to discard it. That judgment, Ukai says, becomes the decision-making axis of adulthood.
Perfectionism and the Romantic: Uesaka's Self-Discovery
When asked what he cannot bring himself to "cut into," Ukai said he wants to open his temple to far more people but cannot commit because he suspects his motive is nothing more than personal desire — not a sufficient cause. Uesaka, by contrast, answered instantly: she has nothing she particularly wants to cut into. Ukai's follow-up — "perfectionism means having nothing you *want* to do" — landed hard. Because perfectionists cannot look away from outcomes, they find it difficult to embrace the "romance" of valuing process over result.
Uesaka, who studied design at a fine-arts university, confessed that the moment she realized she could never become a truly elite designer, every ounce of motivation left her. Podcasting and tanka poetry are the two exceptions: she started both by deciding "I want to do this even if I'm bad at it" — an unusually romantic stance for her. Ukai revealed that it was precisely that look in her eyes that led him to come on board for the podcast.
Takeaways
- Ajiori's crisis is rooted not in a lack of energy but in a sense of responsibility toward others — she cannot bear to 'abandon' beloved employees — making it categorically different from a standard midlife crisis.
- From the thirties onward the world shifts from pursuing the best to accumulating betters, and the hosts' self-examination surfaces a sharp contrast: perfectionists struggle to want anything at all, while romantics can act regardless of outcome.
- Podcasting and tanka poetry are the rare 'romantic' choices Uesaka made by deciding 'I'll do it even if I'm bad at it,' and it was that very spirit Ukai saw in her that drew him to join the podcast.
This article is edited from a machine transcript of the first 30 minutes of the episode. It is not an official summary — please listen to the episode itself.