#492【アフタートーク】ハゲとユニクロ
In this after-talk for episode #492 of Kuuki Kaidan no Odoriba (空気階段の踊り場), Mogura finds himself under listener scrutiny after appearing in a Uniqlo YouTube campaign ad — one viewer paused the footage repeatedly to check whether his thinning hair was showing. Before that, the duo unpack a jaw-dropping revelation about their junior comedian Alexandria Hongou (アレキサンドリア本号): the secret behind his legendary massage technique turns out to be something nobody asked to know.
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What this episode answers
Why was Alexandria Hongou so exceptionally good at massage?
He explained it was because he masturbates with both hands, which he believed sharpened his fingertip sensitivity to an extraordinary degree and translated directly into massage skill.
Did Mogura's thinning hair actually appear in the Uniqlo ad?
No — a listener suspected thinning hair after replaying the ad multiple times, but concluded Uniqlo had "perfectly concealed" it.
What is the current state of Mogura's hair-growth treatment?
It appears to have relapsed: after months of the hair-and-makeup artist saying "looking good," she said nothing at a recent stage greeting, which Mogura takes as a sign the thinning has started again.
Among the comedian friends, who gives the best massage and who gives the most painful one?
Nelson's Kids, Aoyama-san, and Tsuji-san are noted as considerate masseurs who stay in the "feels good" zone, while Shizuru's Ikeda-san gives the most painful one, warning "I could break you if I wanted to" and leaving people sore the next day.
What path did Alexandria Hongou take after leaving comedy?
He left comedy to become the manager of a fish shop and then trained as a tuna butcher.
Acupressure Points and the Massage Scene Among Comedian Friends
One of the duo has a fondness for Eastern medicine — when his throat feels off or his nose gets congested, he looks up pressure points on YouTube and works them around his wrist and elbow. He's also into herbal medicine and describes himself as firmly in the "East over West" camp. Massage culture runs deep in their comedian circle: shoulder rubs are a regular fixture backstage at live shows and events.
Nelson's Kids (ネルソンのキッズ), Aoyama-san, and Tsuji-san all got shout-outs as considerate masseurs who stay in the "feels good" zone. Shizuru's Ikeda-san (しずるの池田さん) is in a different category entirely — he opens with "I could break you if I wanted to" and then proceeds to prove it. The sessions often leave you with sore muscles the next day, and the hosts noted that post-massage soreness is itself a sign of an unskilled masseur.
Junior Comedian Hongou's Miraculous Hands
The conversation turned to a comedian one year behind them: Alexandria Hongou, who shares the same cohort year as Rainbow (レインボー). Hongou came up to Tokyo from Yamagata and built his entire act around a single persona — buzz cut, briefs only, dirty jokes, exclusively. He was performing AV-director Muranishi Toru (村西とおる) material from his very first year in the business, and at one point seriously propositioned one of the hosts about becoming an actual AV actor.
About ten years ago at a live show, Hongou spotted one of the hosts rubbing his own shoulder and offered to help. What followed was, in the host's words, "the best massage I have received and that record has never been broken." He found exactly the right spots, calibrated his pressure perfectly, and identified the root cause of pain in areas the host hadn't even noticed were sore. He walked away genuinely stunned.
The Shocking Explanation: "I Use Both Hands"
When asked how he'd gotten so good, Hongou's answer was disarmingly matter-of-fact: "I masturbate with both hands." His reasoning was that the constant bilateral stimulation had sharpened the sensitivity in his fingertips to an extraordinary degree, and that precision translated directly into his massage work. The hosts had already received and enjoyed the massage before this explanation was delivered — which is why they labeled the revelation an "incident report."
Their takeaway was diplomatically balanced: "People who use both hands might have hidden talent they don't know about — but they should keep that information strictly to themselves. Just ask whether the shoulder felt good. That's all anyone needs to know."
Hongou eventually left comedy, became the manager of a fish shop, and went on to train as a tuna butcher. The hosts floated the theory that his ability to instantly read the structure of a body — honed through years of, well, dedicated practice — may have had a direct line to that career pivot. "He might have been the greatest technician of all time," one of them concluded.
The Uniqlo Ad and the Hair Allegations
Listener "Giant Atsuhiko (ジャイアントアツヒコ)" wrote in to report that while watching a Uniqlo YouTube ad featuring Mogura presenting clothing, there was a moment that made him think "is the hair situation bad?" He paused the video and replayed it multiple times — only to conclude that Uniqlo had covered their bases: "As expected of the great Uniqlo — it was perfectly concealed."
Mogura himself placed the shoot in around June, when his weight was still in the 87–80 kg range and he could fit into XL sizing. He believed his hair-growth treatment was going well at that point. The hair-and-makeup artist who handles his commercial work had been checking in every six months with an encouraging "looking good" — but at a movie stage greeting the previous week, she said nothing. "She always says something when things are on track," Mogura reasoned. "The fact that she didn't say anything tells me the thinning has probably started again."
Gratitude to Uniqlo and an Outerwear Recommendation
Mogura was quick to express appreciation for the way Uniqlo frames its lineup — not as "outerwear for bald guys" or "fleece for heavier builds," but simply as clothing that fits everyone. He offered his own aesthetic argument: "A round person wearing a fluffy, voluminous outer and making a warm, satisfied face actually looks warmer than anything." He also mentioned daily use of Heattech socks and gloves, and closed with a recommendation to check out Uniqlo's outerwear this winter. The episode also included a notice that streaming tickets for the show had been extended through October 4.
Takeaways
- Junior comedian Alexandria Hongou gave the best massage of Mogura's life, and the reason — that he masturbates with both hands, which honed his fingertip sensitivity — was revealed only after the massage was over; Hongou has since left comedy and become a tuna butcher.
- Mogura appeared in a Uniqlo YouTube campaign ad and a listener suspected his thinning hair was visible, though Mogura maintains the June shoot was before things got worse and trusts Uniqlo's hair-and-makeup team handled it.
- Mogura deduced that his hair-growth treatment is no longer working because the makeup artist who always compliments his progress when things are going well said nothing at last week's movie stage greeting.
This article is edited from a machine transcript of the first 30 minutes of the episode. It is not an official summary — please listen to the episode itself.