# お悩み解消コーナー「相談は踊る」 - Show: ジェーン・スー　生活は踊る - Published: 2026-10-19 - Canonical: https://podc.club/en/episode/1630372322_6c724fba7453.html - Audio: https://pdst.fm/e/pscrb.fm/rss/p/traffic.megaphone.fm/TBS5883157247.mp3 - Source: Edited from a machine transcript of the first 30 minutes of the episode. Not an official summary. Twenty-five-year-old listener "Fusafusa" was dumped by her boyfriend of three months with the reason that he was "too busy with work to have mental space for a relationship." She secretly hopes for a reunion in a year's time but worries she's reading too much into his parting words, and asks Suu-san (スーさん) for an honest, outside perspective. Suu-san cuts straight to the phrase "He's just not that into you" and gives frank advice on the real reason behind the breakup and how to approach love going forward. ## What this episode answers ### When someone breaks up with you after three months citing "work is too busy," is that the real reason? In most cases it is not the real reason — it is an excuse to avoid being cast as the bad guy; someone who is genuinely interested does not choose to end a relationship over a busy schedule. ### How much weight does a parting "sure, let's meet up in a year" actually carry? Suu-san sees it as little more than a way to smooth over an uncomfortable moment — when asked directly it is easier to say "sure" than to refuse, and it does not amount to a real commitment. ### How does Suu-san view spending the next year looking forward to that reunion? Objectively, Suu-san says it is a waste to spend a year waiting for someone who was not that into you, though she adds that feelings cannot simply be switched off and there is no need to blame yourself. ### Where does the phrase "He's just not that into you" come from, and what does it mean? The phrase was born in a legendary episode of Sex and the City; screenwriter Greg Behrendt turned it into a book of the same name, published in Japanese as Sonna Kare nara Sutechaeba (そんな彼なら捨てちゃえば), which is now out of print and available at used bookstores. ### What kind of partner should Fusafusa look for in future relationships, and what mindset should she bring? Suu-san advises choosing someone who naturally makes the relationship a high priority, and avoiding chasing someone who is not genuinely interested in return. ## Article ## The Consultation — Dumped After Three Months with "Work Is Too Busy" Listener "Fusafusa" (25, female) was broken up with by her boyfriend of three months. His reason: "Work has gotten so busy that I don't have the mental space for a relationship — I'm sorry for being selfish." Fusafusa herself is set to change jobs and enter the same industry as her ex starting next year. She recently spent a day at that very workplace and, for the first time, felt the reality of what "being busy with work" actually means. At the moment of the breakup, she asked him, "If I reach out in a year, will you see me?" He said "Sure." Fusafusa is genuinely looking forward to that potential reunion, but she worries that she is reading too much into it and cannot see the relationship clearly. Her friends have been comforting her with "He's just awkward" and "It's a timing issue," while her mother's advice was simply "Forget him." Not looking for reassurance or persuasion, Fusafusa turned to Suu-san for a straight, objective take. ## Suu-san's Read — "He's Just Not That Into You" Suu-san's answer was blunt: "In English you'd say *He's just not that into you*." Simply put, he wasn't that interested in her to begin with. When someone is genuinely interested, they tend to pursue — they don't choose to break up because of a busy schedule. "Work is too busy" is, in most cases, an excuse to avoid being cast as the bad guy. As for "let's meet up in a year," Suu-san sees it as nothing more than a way to smooth over the moment — asked directly, it is easier to say "sure" than to refuse, and it carries no deep commitment. The phrase has its origin in a legendary scene from the TV series *Sex and the City*. It is the episode where Berger — Carrie's ex, famously known for breaking up with her on a Post-it note — drops the line in the middle of a group conversation. The line resonated so deeply with so many people that screenwriter Greg Behrendt turned it into a book of the same name. The Japanese edition was published under the title *Sonna Kare nara Sutechaeba* and is now out of print; Suu-san suggests hunting for it at used bookstores like BookOff. There is also a film adaptation featuring Scarlett Johansson and others, but Suu-san recommends the book as the more essential version. ## Mom's "Forget Him" Is the Right Answer "My opinion and your mom's are the same," Suu-san said plainly. Even if Fusafusa's friends are kindly saying "He's just awkward" or "It's a timing issue," at heart they likely think the same thing: if he truly liked her, he would not have used work as a reason to walk away. Suu-san also noted that Fusafusa came asking for an objective opinion in the first place, which suggests she already sensed the truth somewhere inside herself. Suu-san then shared something personal: in her early thirties, she went through a devastating heartbreak, lost 20 kilograms, and had to lean on the people around her. "At the time I talked about it like it had some profound meaning," she reflected, "but it was just a heartbreak. A year later I had a new boyfriend." She laughed and added, "You are the person you can trust least when it comes to your own love life." ## Ogasawara-san's Perspective — Stay Equal While You're Together Ogasawara-san (小笠原さん) stated flatly that the idea of breaking up *because* you are busy simply does not occur to him. Even when he was very busy during his youth while dating his now-wife, he would drive to see her late at night and wait around until morning without hesitation. His view: the normal thing is to ask whether you can make it work somehow, even when busy. His advice to Fusafusa was to speak up about what she wants within a relationship and to stay on equal footing with her partner. ## Looking Toward the Year Ahead — Choose Someone Who Puts You First Suu-san said she was not going to tell Fusafusa to kill the feeling of wanting to see him in a year. But objectively: "It is a waste to spend a year waiting for a man who was not that into you in the first place." She also noted that if he reaches out a year from now because he is lonely, the real test is whether Fusafusa can receive that casually — "Hey, good to hear from you, take care" — without reading deep meaning into it. For future relationships, Suu-san's core advice was to choose someone who naturally places the relationship high on their list of priorities, and to avoid chasing someone who is not genuinely interested. She closed by praising Fusafusa — "It is genuinely impressive that you are trying to look at your own emotions this clearly at 25" — and told her not to blame herself for having these feelings. ## Takeaways - "Work is too busy" is almost always an excuse to avoid being the bad guy — someone who is truly interested does not choose to end a three-month relationship over a busy schedule. - The phrase "He's just not that into you," born in a legendary Sex and the City episode and turned into a book by screenwriter Greg Behrendt (Japanese edition Sonna Kare nara Sutechaeba, now out of print and available used), cuts to the heart of the matter. - In future relationships, choose someone who naturally makes you a high priority, and do not chase someone one-sidedly when the interest is not mutual.