# お悩み解消コーナー「相談は踊る」 - Show: ジェーン・スー　生活は踊る - Published: 2026-10-21 - Canonical: https://podc.club/en/episode/1630372322_699c05e5b61a.html - Audio: https://pdst.fm/e/pscrb.fm/rss/p/traffic.megaphone.fm/TBS4300587877.mp3 - Source: Edited from a machine transcript of the first 30 minutes of the episode. Not an official summary. A 34-year-old listener named Siberian Husky (シベリアンハスキー) wrote in about a Buddhist memorial service at her husband's family home in Kyushu, where the women spent five hours cooking, serving, and cleaning while the men drank in front of the altar — and where a male relative in his 60s told her couple to have a second child, prompting her husband to agree on the spot. She was angry at herself for smiling along instead of pushing back. Su (スー) reframed the real problem: not the distant relative, but the partner who failed to stand by her side. ## What this episode answers ### What happened to Siberian Husky at her husband's family Buddhist memorial service in Kyushu? At a gathering of roughly 20 relatives, the women spent five hours on their feet preparing food, serving, and cleaning up while the men drank in front of the Buddhist altar; near the end, a male relative in his 60s told the couple they should have a second child, and both her husband and mother-in-law agreed. ### What is 'Susky,' and what does it mean for the listener personally? 'Susky' (サスキュー) is an SNS abbreviation of 'sasuga Kyushu' (as expected of Kyushu), used to mock the region's male-chauvinist culture; the listener, who grew up in Kyushu and was told from her teens to bring an apron to family gatherings and fulfill her role, introduced the term in that personal context. ### Why did the 60-something relative's remarks go unchallenged? How does Su analyze it? Su explained that in the setting of the 'honke' (main family house), a wife is positioned not as an individual but as a member of the clan whose duty is to continue the lineage, making demands about childbearing seem natural within that system and allowing comments that would be rebuked in Tokyo to pass unchallenged. ### How does Su reframe the listener's anger at herself for smiling and going along? Su reframed it: rather than blaming herself for smiling, the listener's real pain is likely that her husband — her closest ally — sided with the others by saying 'Yes, we'd like one,' rather than standing with her. ### How does Su say one should confront deeply entrenched, gender-discriminatory values? Su said the enemy is enormous, entrenched, and tied to vested interests, so don't fight alone; for distant relatives, smiling while thinking 'what an idiot' inside is the right move, but when something truly non-negotiable is at stake, fight together with your partner as your greatest ally. ## Article ## The Memorial Service — Five Hours of Disparity At a Buddhist memorial service held at her husband's family home in Kyushu, roughly 20 relatives gathered at the main family house. The men spent the day drinking in front of the Buddhist altar. The women, meanwhile, spent five hours on their feet — preparing food, serving it, and cleaning up afterward — while the listener could only "make herself small in the corner." She was furious inside but stayed silent. Near the end of the gathering, a male relative in his 60s told a childless couple present that they should have a baby "by next year," then turned to the listener and her husband: "You two are next for a second, right?" Her husband replied, "Yes, we'd like one." Her mother-in-law added, "I'd be so happy if you gave us another." The listener could only smile along to keep the peace. ## "Susky" and Her Roots The listener mentioned a word she had learned from a friend: "Susky" (サスキュー), an SNS abbreviation of *sasuga Kyushu* — "as expected of Kyushu" — used to mock the region's male-chauvinist attitudes. She was born and raised in Kyushu and lived there until she was 30. From her late teens, her mother told her to always bring an apron to family gatherings and fulfill her role, and she genuinely believed that women deferring to men was simply normal. Moving to Honshu after marriage put physical distance between her and that world. Reading *Onnarashisa wa Dare no Tame* (女らしさは誰のため), co-authored by Su and Nobuko Nakano (中野信子), became a turning point in her thinking. She also watched *First Voice* (ファーストボイス), a film about Japan's first sexual harassment court case, and wrote that she cried from frustration — adding, "Because people fought before me, I'm now able to sense that something is wrong." ## Su's Analysis — Why Does This Go Unchallenged? Su began by mapping the structural problem. In the setting of the *honke* (本家 — main family house), a wife is not treated as an individual; she is positioned as a member of the clan whose function is to continue the lineage. Within that system, demanding children is treated as natural, and comments that would draw reproach in Tokyo simply pass without challenge. Su also pointed to a broader social structure in Japan: from birth, gender determines "how you should live and what you must do to avoid being cast out." Women are expected to be sensitive, gentle, patient, selflessly devoted to everyone around them, married with multiple children, *and* professionally accomplished. That expectation, tied to the fear of social exclusion, creates a reality in which quietly deferring to men is the "smoother" path. ## The Real Problem — Who Said What What troubled Su most was not the distant relative in his 60s. It was the husband's "Yes, we'd like one," and the mother-in-law's "I'd be so happy if you gave us another." For the distant relative, Su's advice was direct: "Think 'what an idiot' on the inside and smile on the outside." There is no point telling someone with completely different values that they have overstepped — it won't land, and it risks being ostracized by the whole family. But Su asked whether the real source of the listener's frustration was that her closest partner had failed to stand by her side. She noted that the letter didn't mention whether the husband had said "that was awful, that was hard on you" on the drive home, and suggested that what the listener might be feeling is less anger at herself for smiling, and more hurt that her partner went along. ## How to Face the Enormous Wall "The enemy is enormous, deeply entrenched, and tied to vested interests — so please don't fight alone. When you fight, fight together." Su was unequivocal. If the goal is simply to register dissatisfaction, one person is enough. But when it comes to actually confronting this system, the first step is to build a coalition with the partner who should be your greatest ally. At the same time, Su said it was a "waste" to stay perpetually irritated at someone you see once a year. There are moments when a fight is non-negotiable — what she described as "the times when you know the boomerang will come back and hit you in the forehead, but you throw it with everything you have anyway." The 60-something relative, she concluded, was not one of those moments. She closed with encouragement: stay as flexible and resilient as a willow, while never losing your strength. ## Takeaways - Smiling along with a distant relative's thoughtless comments is a valid response — there is no need to fight every battle on principle. - The real source of unresolved frustration may be the partner's in-the-moment agreement rather than the listener's own reaction. - Against the enormous, entrenched enemy of gender discrimination, identify the battles that truly cannot be conceded and fight them together with your partner.